When you lose something you can't replace....

This year saw many new highs and lows.

When I look back, I see an year filled with broken promises and tears. But leaving behind all of him, I'd love to remember this year as an year of infinite possibilities, of meeting some wonderful people (Joe and George precisely) and mostly exploring new corners. 

I was blessed with a beautiful niece, who laughs like crazy every time I'm around.

I have been to newer places this year, my favourite being Colaba in Mumbai and Courtenay place in New Zealand, danced with strangers, missed home and spent sleepless nights. My first trip alone to a new city was quite remarkable, I remember the glorious moonlit Ballard Estate, Room No 96 and waking up to the seas.
My first trip with friends happened this year too, into the sea, free and beautiful. I started writing for Postergully. And ended too. :(

Life is not really about achieving something new, I realize. One sad morning, I decided to leave a part of me and move along. It was so damn scary that I often had to come back to reality.
Life without you would be the toughest thing, I have ever known. Every memories I create I wish I could have shared with you, every new road I walk I wonder how it would have been to walk holding you. But I chose to leave it for good

So this is to 2013, to some wonderful memories made, to travelling and to leaving a part of me somewhere faraway. I hope to see 2014 in newer colors, in travelling more and more and in falling into madness all over again. 

Life, duh!

******Look at the stars, look how they shine for you.******

And no, I'm not high..

Sometimes under the blazing blue sky, when everything seems pretty much good I wonder about my twenty-one years old relationship with this city, the city which I'm planning to leave soon.
So when I sit almost blankly my thoughts grow deeper and they take a shape of a big rain cloud and then when I'm just about to cry, I dont. And when I stroll along its road all alone, when I sip its coffee, when I kiss and pledge someone in those quaint, dimly lit alleys, when I cry stupidly over raging madness, when I keep hogging its street food, when I sit in the pubs and drink, when I laugh uncontrollably and when I read its books that are so full of literature and history my heart brims over love and affection for this city and it makes me light, as light as a feather n I go on thinking about the days, my growing up days, my wee little room with books and magazines scattered all over, mamar-bari where I spent most of my days squabbling with my maternal brother, my childhood friends with whom I lost all contacts now and the days of kurtas, jholas n bunking lectures in college. I somehow remember it all.

And so I fall in love with my city all over again as much I used to hate it once, the city which saw my emotions, dreams n regrets so close, the city which never failed to baffle me with her rich beauty, culture and history, the city which imbues me with satisfaction and happiness, the city where I met my first love, where I strolled along in the by-lanes holding his hand, where I brazenly kissed him my first kiss, where I let him go and leave me all alone among strangers. But then this city is so full of bonhomie that when you groan with pain, when you bitch in anger the rain comes and washes away the woes, giving you a strange, undying freshness.
And whenever I feel gung-ho about settling all alone in a place faraway from kolkata, of starting life fresh and independent my heart reminds me of those endless things that I will keep missing. And with a sullen despair I remember about all the roads I walked, all the memories I lived with, all the songs that I danced to and all the guys who splintered my heart again and again.
Kolkata would remain the city of loves and lovers, of couples holding hands and walking down the streets, of friends who would do anything and everything for you, of ilish, mishti doi, phuchkas n flurys, of strange readers and drunken poets, of goods and bads.

Of yellow river n Flamingos.... !

You sit back on that big, brown couch
You talk 'bout love n life
Of wet woods n sunrise.
You fake, sulk and smile high.
You dream of yellow river n flamingos
And hold me back like never before
You do this and do that
And all that to let me go!

Redemption

The truth digs in

All insane n brutal.
Peeling off the layers
Exposing those raw, bitter, wounded sheaths
Caused from my silent battles,
From travails of love, life n friendship
Over the dingy allies n dirty corners.
Is that the fear, agony, rage, promise
Are all which matters?
I came hurtling back to the place I belonged.
To the blooming roses
To the retreating clouds,
To those fragile dreams
And tender nostalgias.
To the scarlet sky stretching above,
To those jovial smiles
Of my sweet strawberry friendships
The feeling being as light as a feather.
Tearing apart those anguished moments
The tangerine sky provides the solace.
And at times you just cannot ask for more !

EDGE

I walked by the edge
towards the melodies unheard
with passions buried
underneath my heart.
The silent morn
the darkest evening
I kept walking
through a lonely road.
The dreams of my life
the burning desire
the sorrow in my soul
I kept murmuring.
Friends gathered
bringing back memories.
The words unsaid
the dreams concealed.
This is more than love
and this is more than sorrow.
The reason that you held my hand.
Never figuring
the touch would be that warm.
And the love does not fuckin’ last
the colors fade by
leaving a scar.
He will think of me well though
no no, I know not right.
Friends come buzzing around
I look at the world
with a broken smile.