A walk down the memory lane

I went to BSS yesterday after almost four years and little did I know that the place where I spent some fourteen years would look so strange. As I scurried through the first floor corridor I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. A string of memories flashed through. It was here I was thrown out of the classrooms most often and it was here that I took the trophy for scoring highest in maths with a burgeoning happiness one Sunday evening. That was way back in class three, yes I still remember. School always brings back these mixture of feelings, tears and smiles at the same time.

I always wanted to come school, even with fevers simply because I never wanted to miss out one single thing. It was only in primary classes that I realized BSS is my second home. And why not it was here where I got my first friends, it was here that I realized that lunch breaks are not only for having lunches, but for enjoying the rides down at the park and it was here where I got some of the happiest moments like winning the 'washing day' race in class two. I simply loved the primary section, that toy library, those western music classes, Anuradha mam, Sampa mam and everything that falls within. But going to seconday is yet another thing, that excitement, that anticipation, that cold feet, that feeling of growing up.

I loved sahana mam from the very first day in class five. She used to teach us English. It was through her I realized that English is my first love and not maths. Sahana mam once read out christmas carol to the whole class and only that she didnt tell us the climax. She asked us to go through the book. It was in class five that I started reading books, feluda or blyton whatever reached my hands first. It was in class five I met my lifetime friends, Mohana and Payel. It was in class five that I actualy understood the meaning of friendship for the first time. Class five meant yet another thing, yes sports day, cheering our own houses, praying for them. That first feeling of togetherness.

As I strolled along I realized how most of the things changed, even how the wooden desks and the old blackboards got replaced. The corridors now looked shinningly beautiful, adorned with bright flowers all over. And the whole building has been painted white with pale blue border which in our times was bright red. Each floor now has a name. I stopped in front of class eleven Science B for a minute. I saw a group of girls grappling with each other and then falling into sudden childish giggle. I stayed at that moment for quite a long time staring at those girls almost blankly realizing somewhere here I belonged years back, somewhere amidst pritha mam' chemistry classes, amidst chaki mam's scoldings and among those wonderful moments with the craziest bunch of buddies, moments that one could never let go.
I recalled the last day in school, cutting that chocolate cake, dancing with the whole class, clamouring for no reason at all. But like others I did'nt cry as I knew that a part of me will always be here, somewhere in the basketball court, somewhere in Dutta mam's history classes or somewhere in these corridors. 

Then suddenly the moment got lost as I saw a very lanky girl standing behind me with sparkling eyes. Stuffing something in my hands she ran away. With curious eyes I somehow managed to check that paper and there it was with her name written underneath.  I almost went numb, some moments that probably remain priceless.  
                                                                                                                                   

The year

Last year 1st january was good enough- the long road trip to shantiniketan, the babli resort, the baul gaan, the food out there, the dance masti...yess almost everything.
The summer training started in a while and came with it the worst part. Sometimes it is hard to take the pain and its even harder to cope up with the memories that u create in the process, the memories that make you sit straight and think back all over again. 12th Jan was the last day we talked.
On the better side 2010 gave me my first experience of getting sloshed...sigh! And it introduced me to a whole new life of BBC, Oly, Zhhong- hua n all those kickass parties. The mandarmani trip, the pujas, the family get togethers that were best in their own ways...And oh ya the hair cut that made me cuter n happier.
The Darjeeling trip was the best trip ever for: being perfect 10, the eventful long 14 hours of train journey, the Kanchanjangha, the roof top breakfasts, those yummy momos, the car trip from sikkim to darjeeling, lunch at glenary's, intense shopping, the mal road, the news of direct PI- moments that would be treasured forever.
24th Dec was an absolutely new feeling: SPE, HHI, Underground all in a night n dancing like crazy....

Lastly the interview on 30th. It couldnt have been better, just couldnt...And the text from K on 31st, "congrats baby" made my day...yes I got into TCS, the best way to end the year perhaps...
To 2010,
You took away something I thought I loved but you made me tougher anyway, you made me happier when I thought everything was going wrong , you made me maturer from one gawky girl I once was....And so heres raising a toast to you for bringing the bests, for all the wonderful moments, for letting me understand friendship a bit too well.

Btw happy new year guys!

On a sultry summer evening, as we decided to walk...

your hands holdin' mine
as tightly as they could
the sudden urge n' the way they felt.
The hopes that came stomping out
the love or the feeling
the desire or the love
probably everything that got tangled
till they tasted something sweetly bitter,
On the dark dusky evening
as we sat there just you n me
the lovely yellow church some few steps away
and the stars smiling at our shambling madness
you suddenly whispered something in my mouth
never knowing that they'd last forever,
As you stood, your cheeks against mine
stroking gently on my bare skin
and caressing my hair
I could hear them say.
On a lovely, sultry summer evening
I could just hear them say!

Day Out

The most eventful get together till date :

() For meeting all at navina n then not watchin the movie. Time crunch :P
() For the sudden rain, for getting wet inspite of having umbrellas n for the coziest cab ride from navina to SC.
() For all the photo shoots at food court, for being Aftershock-ed, for callin me sweet n sexy all at the same time.

() For having the bawal with the auto walah in the middle of the road. *In the mood for bawals*
() For having that perfect lunch (with 500 ml coke n chicken == perfect)
() For the l-o-n-g auto ride with six of us packed n the black clouds. Chilled!
() For ending up at nandi's place (after decades), for getting to watch the video (finally! :D), for letting it go back to where it all started, for the chai n the samosa with the rains.
() For the camera n this SONY moment. Photo courtesy- Nandi, bad editing- me.
() For all the bokboks.

() For the feeling of togetherness (for no extras).

() For the numerous memories (with him) that kept lingering.

And to all these little get togethers that really mean a lot.

Of yellow river n Flamingos.... !

You sit back on that big, brown couch
You talk 'bout love n life
Of wet woods n sunrise.
You fake, sulk and smile high.
You dream of yellow river n flamingos
And hold me back like never before
You do this and do that
And all that to let me go!

Reunion.. :)

I shall be meeting some of my old tuition friends this weekend almost after about five long years, the moment I have been longing for years.
And it brings back so many memories. I remember the old damp room where we used to sit, the place which witnessed so many of my firsts- first crush, first fight, first true friends, first book of Harry Potter, first pair of sneaker and all the little things I used to crave back then. I used to go there every Saturday afternoons and Tuesday evenings and I hardly used to study there, ever :P. But things I gathered from Sir are way too important than those stupid physics or chemistry lessons. His beige colored shirt, his sparkling eyes, his lovable words and some odd bunch of twisted incidents are all that I remember now.
True that I have been growing too fast, learning to wear that mask, to put up a fake smile, to lie. And just then I remember those stupid fights, the fresh smell of the saraswati pujas, those evenings with rain and jhalmuri, the dairy milks after bijoya, those bunking tuitions- having fun. I remember it all, perhaps you just cant forget your firsts, they are real memorable, real treasure.
These 5 years have been a lot. I became way too matured, bit too settled and calmed down a lot. No long do I crave for those candies and ice creams at odd hours. I have now other things to take care of, huh? But when I sit back and think about the times bygone, tears come so unknowingly and my fingers curl up with a feeling so rare, so fresh that I allmost feel weightless.
And while I am writing this out in the office with a coffee in my hand and the rain pouring outside I guess I really have grown up a hell lot. Growing up is part of life I guess. And while I see the children clamouring outside, jumping in rains, shouting like anything, I know I am missing those days of innocence when love was so simple, when friendship was all about sharing lunch and secrets and when life was all about scoring good grades.
The air inside the office smells so metallic, so stale that it is making me sick, but I guess I have to get used to this, to grow up even more, to put up even more masks, to hide back tears, to show that pink smile.

P.S.- Thanks to faisaal for the treats (chinese, coffee, bhuttas n ice creams), gtalk for I can talk to all my friends n to all them in the office who did'nt block fb and eventually makin my life a little better here.

P.P.S- Thanks to nilu for every little thing in this world.

Life n Beyond....

Moments....
The Feeling. Surely there it was cluttered beneath that fake smile, a flash and it goes again settling in the pallu of the red dhakai sari she bought the other day, a neat red bindi on her forehead and ofcourse a tinge of sindur at the parting of her coal black hair that smelled mostly of jasmine. Dark, kohled eyes, narrow yet deep enough to let him rock and fell him into pieces. And it flashes yet again.
A flicker of memory makes her light if not a bit high for now she learns to bunk her classes as efficiently as once she used to do her homeworks, for now while resting at JU grounds she smokes quite often leaning against his shoulders, lost to the sheer joy of what she is not strangely aware of and for now she drinks beer and vodka as much as her male friends. After all she is learning to let go off things that mattered once so intensely. True that makes her bad, but she could do nothing, probably she could never return where she existed once. After all there's a life beyond being good (good daughter for instance) for all she wanted is 'more' only to get lost in the wild maze of nothingness- moments when she feels like throwing up for things come so close and then they just flunk out, run away as they were never hers, never ever in her whole damn stupid life, moments when she crumbles only to wake up to the dream of that red dhakai sari, moments when she realizes the truth, what she is – 'a widow(?)'
Tears that fall off unconsciously, for the truth that freaking hurts her. Truth which matters mostly to her conscience but a little more to all those away. How I wish there were no word called shame.
Years after there were times when she conflicted with her own self about her reckless nature, her running away towards the wilderness, her rebellious mind when she realizes there is nothing called forever, nothing could be perfect and probably none who's pure enough.
And there remains only stains. Stains of dark red, pitch black and inkish blue and this time bleaching makes no sense, no sense at all.